• Michael Gerace owned Abbott Pizza in Buffalo, New York, where he cooked up delicious pizzas, calzones, and strombolis. He also cooked up a fake set of books for his accountant, shorting Uncle Sam about 500,000 pepperonis over three years. Now, instead of serving happy customers, Geraci is serving 21 months in prison. Here’s hoping the warden recognizes his talents and assigns him to the kitchen instead of the license plate shop!
• Miguel Vasquez was a tax preparer in suburban Philadelphia. In 2008 and 2009, he prepared 1,654 fraudulent tax returns claiming fake deductions for fake business losses and applying for fraudulent refunds. Bad move, right? As if that wasn’t bad enough, he failed to report the income he earned from defrauding the government on his own tax return! Vasquez can look forward to 10 years in jail, plus a $1.6 million fine.
• Evelyn Wells and her daughter Cassandra Dean recruited friends and family to file false tax returns using fabricated W-2s reporting fabricated employers and fabricated withholding amounts. Those co-conspirators then claimed very real cash refunds. Wells drew a year and a day in prison, while her daughter drew 21 months. We’re all for “family values.” But this hardly seems like the sort of activity you want to share with the kids!
• Veronica Dale worked for a company that serviced Medicaid beneficiaries, where she stole personal information. She and various co-conspirators used that information to file over 500 fraudulent returns and request $3,741,908 in tax refunds. Dale drew 334 months in prison and a $2.8 million fine. Identity theft has become a top target for IRS criminal investigators, but not everyone seems to have gotten that memo.
• John Walshe owned Finzer Business Systems in Denver. From 2005 through 2007, he withheld $912,286 in income tax and FICA contributions from his employees’ paychecks, but “forgot” to send it to the IRS. (He also stole $18,853 in 401k contributions, but who’s counting?) Walshe was sentenced to 46 months in the hoosegow, where he’ll have a hard time earning enough to pay his $1.3 million fine.
• Miguel Angel Trevino Morales and his brother Omar raised quarter horses at a farm in sleepy Lexington, Oklahoma (population 2,152). The farm turned out more than its fair share of winners, including one named Mr. Piloto who scored a million-dollar purse at Ruidoso Downs. But the farm also turned out horses with curious names like “Number One Cartel” and “Coronita Cartel.” It turns out (spoiler alert) that the brothers were laundering cash for Mexican narcotrafficantes. Associates bought horses at auction, sometimes paying with duffel bags of cash. Authorities indicted the Trevinos and seized over 400 horses worth $12 million.

Look, we know you want to pay less tax. But you don’t have to risk time behind bars to do it. You just need the right plan. The Tax Code is so complicated that there are actually more ways to save legitimately than there are to cheat. So let us give you the plan you need to save tax and sleep well, too!

“How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.”

- Anne Frank

WEEKLY TIP

Set aside a half-hour to organize your financial documents. It makes sense for tax season, and it makes sense all year.

WEEKLY RIDDLE

What should the next number be in this series: 103, 107, 109, 113, 127 …

Last week’s riddle:

I can’t be captured or held, and I certainly am not seen … yet I can occasionally be heard, and I am often all around you. What am I?

Last week’s answer:

The wind.

SUBDUED INFLATION IN APRIL

Consumer and producer prices retreated last month. The federal government’s Consumer Price Index fell 0.4%, a monthly descent unseen since December 2008; the Producer Price Index declined 0.7%, its biggest monthly drop in three years. Consumer prices also fell for a second straight month; the last time that happened was in late 2008. The core CPI did rise 0.1% in April; the yearly gain in the overall CPI was just 1.1%.

THREE MORE POSITIVE SIGNS FOR THE ECONOMY

The University of Michigan’s initial May consumer sentiment survey came in at 83.7 – its highest level since July 2007, 7.3 points above the final April mark. After falling 0.2% for March, the Conference Board’s index of U.S. leading indicators rose 0.6% for April. Census Bureau data showed retail sales ticking up 0.1% in April and 3.7% in the past year.

HOUSING STARTS PLUNGE, BUILDING PERMITS SOAR

While the year-over-year increase was 13.1%, housing starts plummeted 16.5% in April, largely due to a 37.8% drop in apartment starts. On the other hand, last month brought a 14.3% rise in building permits … marked by a 40.6% jump in permits for apartment construction.

BULLS KEEP RUNNING

The S&P 500 is now on a 4-week winning streak. It rose another 1.98% last week to settle at 1,666.12 Friday. Complementing that 5-day gain, the NASDAQ went +1.82% last week while the DJIA went +1.56%; at Friday’s closing bell, the NASDAQ settled at 3,498.97 and the Dow at 15,354.40. A truly impressive factoid: the NASDAQ and S&P have gained 1% or more in each of the past four weeks.

Sources: cnbc.com, bigcharts.com, treasury.gov – 5/17/13

Indices are unmanaged, do not incur fees or expenses, and cannot be invested into directly.

These returns do not include dividends.

But there’s one agency that has an almost mythical power in most minds, and that’s the IRS. The tax cops put Pete Rose and Wesley Snipes in jail. They put Al Capone in jail, for pete’s sake! We’d all better watch out, right? Well, you be the judge. Last week, the IRS Criminal Investigation unit released their Fiscal 2012 annual report— and the findings might surprise you. Here are some of the highlights:

• Investigators cover a wide variety of tax-related crimes beyond the garden-variety tax fraud and celebrity “failure to file” cases that command the biggest headlines. Their work also includes identity theft, offshore tax evasion, tax treaty cases, tax protestors, money laundering, terrorist financing, public corruption, and drug enforcement cases.

• Business is booming — but numbers are still relatively small considering the 100 million+ returns the IRS collects every year. For Fiscal 2012, the Service initiated just 5,125 investigations, up from 4,720 in 2011. Out of those 5,125 investigations, they recommended 3,710 prosecutions (IRS investigators don’t actually prosecute offenders themselves; they turn that job over to the Department of Justice.) There were 3,390 indictments and 2,634 convictions — the Feds generally don’t take you to court if they’re not already sure they can win. 2,466 lucky winners drew all-expense-paid trips to “Club Fed.”

• Investigators spend a lot of time chasing down crooked tax preparers. For 2012, they investigated 443 suspicious-looking characters, recommended 276 prosecutions, and won 178 convictions. The average convicted preparer earns 29 months in jail, up from 25 months in 2011.

• The IRS continues to uncover people who really just ought to know better. Take Jimmy Dimora, for example, a former Cuyahoga County (Ohio) Commissioner, who found himself looking for ways to supplement his county pay. Dimora took more than $166,000 in bribes to steer contracts to allies, get jobs and raises for associates, intercede with judges on pending cases, and generally abuse his office. Naturally, he forgot to pay tax on those bribes. Jimmy wound up drawing a 336 month sentence for his sideline business. (For those of you who try not to use math on a daily basis, that’s 28 years behind bars.)

Do any of these points strike a chord with you? Of course they don’t. The average American has nothing to fear from the Criminal Investigations unit. As far as most of us are concerned, the IRS is just the federal government’s collection agency, nothing scarier. You’ve got to do something really outrageous to draw one of those 5,000 case investigations.

We all know taxes are going up this year, and we all know nobody wants to pay. That’s the bad news. The good news is you don’t have to flirt with IRS Criminal Investigations to pay less. You just need a plan. There’s no shortage of court-tested, IRS-approved strategies for minimizing your tax. So if you’re still smarting from April 15, and you haven’t asked us about our planning service, what are you waiting for?

“Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.”

- Lord Byron

WEEKLY TIP

While no one likes to think about their funeral, preplanned or prepaid funeral arrangements may be a financially smart move and may relieve your heirs of some stress when the time comes.

WEEKLY RIDDLE

I can’t be captured or held, and I certainly am not seen … yet I can occasionally be heard, and I am often all around you. What am I?

Last week’s riddle:

I protect you. I sit on a bridge. You can see through me. People walking by might wonder what I hide. What am I?

Last week’s answer:

A pair of sunglasses.

HOW IS THIS EARNINGS SEASON TURNING OUT?

At the closing bell on May 10, 90% of S&P 500 firms had reported quarterly results. According to Reuters, 67% of them have surpassed earnings forecasts and 24% have fallen short of projections. Should the remaining 50 components report results matching estimates, earnings will be up 5.3% on last year. Sales gains are another story: just 46% of companies reporting so far have beaten their revenue forecasts.

FED RAMPS UP ITS FINANCIAL SCRUTINY

Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke said Friday that the central bank was now keeping close tabs on the “shadow banking” sector that bred the toxic assets associated with the last credit crisis. At the Chicago Fed’s banking conference, he noted that “careful monitoring for signs of emerging vulnerabilities” constituted “probably our best defense against complacency during extended periods of calm”. In widening its oversight, the Fed is also watching asset markets, consumers and businesses for signs of systemic risk in addition to banks.

OIL MOVES HIGHER, GOLD LOSES GROUND

COMEX gold retreated 1.76% last week, and that was mirrored by silver’s 1.25% weekly loss; the dollar gained 1.25% across five days. NYMEX crude rose 0.45% for the week. At Friday’s close, oil settled at $96.04 and gold at $1,443.30.

ANOTHER WEEK OF GAINS, MORE ALL-TIME HIGHS

The Dow went +0.97% last week to close at 15,118.49 Friday – a record high. The S&P 500 gained 1.19% last week to settle at another all-time peak of 1,633.70 Friday. After a 1.72% weekly gain, the NASDAQ ended Friday’s trading session at 3,436.58.

Sources: cnbc.com, bigcharts.com, treasury.gov – 5/10/13

Indices are unmanaged, do not incur fees or expenses, and cannot be invested into directly.

These returns do not include dividends.

• “65% of people say that cheating on your income tax is worse than cheating on your spouse. The other 35% were women.” (Jay Leno)
• “Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream.” (Conan O’Brien)
• “Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.” (Jimmy Kimmel)
• “President Obama held a press conference earlier today, and he said he still wants to close the Guantanamo Bay prison facility, but he doesn’t know how to do it. He should do what he always does: declare it a small business and tax it out of existence. It will be gone in a minute.” (Jay Leno)
• “Nobody likes taxes, but they’ve been around forever. Taxes date back all the way back to the year one, when baby Jesus was visited by two wise men and an IRS agent, who demanded half the family’s frankincense.” (Jimmy Kimmel)
• “It’s fitting that April 14 is National Pecan Day because today, we recognize nuts. And tomorrow, on April 15, we pay our taxes to support them.” (Craig Ferguson)
• “Regis Philbin’s back in primetime, hosting 11 new episodes of ‘Who Wants To Be a Millionaire.’ But because of Obama’s tax plan, it’s been re-titled ‘Who Wants To Win Just Under $250,000.’” (Jimmy Fallon)
• “And there are a lot of new taxes coming. California state legislators want to solve our state’s giant deficit by taxing marijuana. Meanwhile, Oregon wants to increase a tax on beer, while New York wants to tax Internet porn. You know what this means? By the end of spring break, this whole thing could be paid for.” (Jay Leno)

Late-night yucksters make fun of taxes onstage. But you can be sure that offstage, entertainers like David Letterman (2013 salary, $28 million) and Jay Leno ($24 million) think taxes are as funny as a heart attack. They know that proactive planning is the key to paying less. So be sure to call us when you’re ready to laugh last with the IRS!